Pre-Diagnosis: At School Part 2
Following on from my last post, I'm exploring and explaining some of the symptoms and flags that could have shown I had ADHD while I was at School. As it was, I didn't get diagnosed until I was 38, so I'm hoping that sharing the below might help some of you or someone you know.
Overwhelm with big decisions School provided such rigid structure and expectations that it really helped me, and helped mask the fact I had ADHD. It's well known that good structure makes the lives of people with ADHD much easier and that it's especially important for children with ADHD and for general mental wellbeing for everyone. However, when it came to certain points where I had to take control of decisions or create strucutre, I felt lost and didn't know what to do or how to tackle things. A big ticket question as an example was chosing what subjects I had to study for my GCSEs or A-Levels; it was overwhelming. This led to an over-reliance on doing what I thought other people wanted or expected me to do. Research shows that children with ADHD are less aware of the magnitude of penalties or difficulties attached to a decision, and this, in my case, was probably also affected by the lack of any structure or guidance from school around how to make these decisions. Bear in mind this was nearly 30 years ago, guidance may have improved since then!
The result for me was that I took subjects that I didn't like over other ones I would have been better at and enjoyed more. This meant that certain education and career paths were completely cut off for me because of decisions I made as a young person, unaware of the magnitude of penalty attached to them.
Emotional Sensitivity As a child, and to a lesser degree an adult, I was always very sensitive to criticism, emotions of others and my own feelings. I felt, and feel still, emotions very strongly and intensely: this is a recognised symptom of ADHD and can lead to issues around perception of self-esteem and chronic sadness (dysthymia). For me this was especially true of any criticism or disapproval, and I was exquisitely sensitive to the negative comments of teachers and taunting from my classmates. Being visibly affected by such comments created a vicious circle as bullies found easy rewards for their efforts.
This kind of extreme sensitivity can be a flag for ADHD, and if noticed in yourself or in someone else, could lead to a diagnosis and a positive intervention to help manage and overcome the issues it presents. It certainly would have helped me avoid years of pain and equip me to better handle later adult life.
Getting my ideas straight on paper It was noticed and remarked on by teachers that my essays and explanations on paper were not as good as my verbal ones. I had overflowing ideas in abundance, but could I organise it all to answer a question well? Not well enough, according to my teachers. By the time I got to 17, this actually led to an intervention, examination and diagnosis by an education psychologist that I had a 'specific learning difficulty'. The analysis took into account my poor handwriting but also poor structuring of thoughts and explanation on paper. This diagnosis gave me more time in exams and pointed me towards some study aids and techniques that were very good (like mind maps!), but it did not spot any link to ADHD.
Research specifically on ADHD and writing shows that children with ADHD have poorer output and outcomes than their neurotypical peers. This comes down to many things, incsluding: difficulties in prioritising topics, manipulating and organising ideas into a constructive sequence and then getting it all down on the paper before their brain comes up with another train of thought or gets distracted.
For me it was ironic and bittersweet, because I love writing, yet I kept getting poor grades for it. Also, my exam performance in essay writing was always much better than termtime assignments: the ADHD pressure/stress response kicked in and made my focus and concentration improve and I pulled the rabbit out of the hat. However, my ADHD didn't help me when I misread the questions in the exams, as I found out during my mock history A-Level...
If this flag had been connected to ADHD, I could have received the appropriate support and help to learn to structure my thoughts better. If you see it in yourself or someone you know, it may be a sign of ADHD, especially if it coincides with other flags. As an adult, I've learnt to structure and organise my thoughts so much better: I have regularly produced reports at work that are well received, written a chart-topping novel*, and produce this blog! So you can overcome this barrier, convincingly.
Do you recognise any of the flags above? Did you have them during your education, or were there others? Let us know in the comments!
*Kill with a Borrowed Knife hit the number one spot in the Amazon paid charts for Spy Thriller fiction over the Presidents' Day weekend in 2012 - I can't believe it's over ten years ago now.