Pre-Diagnosis: At School

It took 38 years before I was diagnosed with ADHD (innatentive type), so all my formal education took place while I had the condition and its effects, but no assistance or understanding of it.

Although understanding and recognition of the many types of ADHD have come a long way in the past 30 years, it can still sometimes slip through the net at school. One major reason why is environmental masking: a structured, routine week, with short deadlines and clear instructions is something that helps people with ADHD overcome some of their symptoms such as procrastination and difficulties prioritising. This may be why the stereotype of ADHD many of us have are the kids who can't sit still in class and are 'disruptive' - because the timetable and structure does nothing to help that! These become the most commonly seen or experienced aspects of the condition for many people, and all the invisible issues that form the 90% of the iceberg that's underwater are not.

Because of the hidden nature of some of these issues, I want to outline what I experienced in the hope that it could help someone identify similar patterns in their life of the life of someone they know. The below were issues I faced, which in retrospect could have been flags to show that I had ADHD.

Handwriting I was always told my handwriting was messy, illegible and difficult to read. No matter how much practice I was asked to do, it never became a shining example of the art! Studies show that messy handwriting can be an indicator of ADHD, and it is being tested as a diagnosis method to pick up the condition in schoolchildren. Why does it turn out messy? Neat handwriting requires concentration, motor planning, fine motor skills and the right balance of speed. It appears that children with ADHD can write with hyperactive or innapropriate levels of speed, or lack the concentration and motor skills, resulting in messier writing. It's a subtle clue, but in retrospect it was clearly there for me.

Concentration in Maths I really disliked maths at school; I found its teaching uninteresting, dull and furthermore I just couldn't grasp it as quickly as other kids (this may be because later tests show there's a very strong possibility that I have discalculia too). This led to me shutting down in class and not being able to focus, meaning I didn't follow what was being taught and fell further behind - a vicious circle. The same happened in Physics classes. In art or photography or French it was the opposite for me - I was engrossed and followed everything, my results being better here too. What was irritating was that I felt I had the capacity to do it (for example I was better at doing the maths component of Chemistry), but that I always fell short of my expectations in maths class as I just couldn't get there; this led to negative self thinking, believing there was something wrong with me and feedback from teachers that wasn't positive or indeed helpful in a constructive way. Research shows that children with ADHD may struggle more with maths due to inattentiveness and working memory issues, and that they are less 'fluent' in maths as a whole. It was a theme that ran through my school life, and I found the experience of maths learning so negative (even under the one positive teacher I had), that I gave it up as soon as I could at age 16. It was a clear flag that something was wrong, but it was never checked out. I'd like to think that today, as ADHD is more well understood, that it would have been picked up; but not every teacher is aware, so look out for it. Ironically for me, a large chunk of my career has involved mathematics and data manipulation since then, and I have become good at it. This is partly because I like applied mathematics and statistics much more, and am able to concentrate better, but also because I used my linguistic brain to solve the mathematical problems for me by creating formulae, bypassing the roadblock in the pure maths part of my brain. It goes to show that not enjoying maths at school doesn't mean it won't work for you in later life.

Listening in Language Class At school and university, we often had 'language lab' class where you have to listen to a recording and answer questions. I found it almost impossible to concentrate in these, no matter how many times I could rewind and play back the piece, it was a struggle. I never lived up to my expectations in these recorded tests and found it a real fight; again, I thought something was wrong with me and that I was defective, leading to negative self thought and erosion of self confidence. This was in stark contrast to oral exams where there was a live person in dialogue with me, or with listening in class to a live speaker: both of those were fine for me and I could do it with no problem. This created even more of a contrast and mystery between live and recorded listening, and more thoughts of self-deficiency. I still have issues listening to foreign language radio or TV, finding it extremely difficult to concentrate and follow. My belief is this was down to the inability to concentrate with a recording in front of me, as my ADHD brain switched off after finding it too difficult. Issues with working memory in ADHD may be to blame for this, as might the environment in which I was learning - sterile and boring with no interaction with other people, just me and a tape machine with which I couldn't engage! It's another flag that might indicate ADHD, and worth bearing in mind.

There are other issues I faced with ADHD at school, but these are the academic ones I want to focus on today: the others I will save for another article.

If you were diagnosed as an adult, do you see anything in retrospect that could have flagged up your condition? Share it in the comments and start the conversation.