Authenticity

You may not realise it, but trying to conceal elements of your natural behaviour or personality so that other are not aware of it can be a cause of stress. Scientific studies have shown that pretending to be someone you aren't causes negative feelings to arise towards oneself. But we all feel pressure to fit in socially, be it at work or among friends or family, and this may lead to hiding things that we feel spoil our chances of doing so.

For many years, I found myself suppressing elements of my personality caused by ADHD, creating such pressure on myself internally not to let them show that I injured myself with the stress it caused. But I didn't want to be that person, and my brain created systems to stop me being them. The self-programming told me a person who left their keys at home by mistake was a complete failure and useless - things I really didn't want to be - so I was under immense psychological pressure to remember my keys, and felt anxious and stressed every time I prepared to go out. Checking for keys became routine, but not in a positive way because of the internal pressure not to be a complete failure.

Needless to say, the system wasn't perfect, and the times when I forgot my keys and accidentally locked myself out I span into vicious circles of negative thinking and depression, beating myself up for a 'stupid error', reframing my worth negatively and applying more pressure not to do it again.

After many years, getting an ADHD diagnosis helped me realise that it was not a sign of being useless or failure, but just the way my brain was wired. I have become more relaxed about it and accepting that it can happen - I don't beat myself up any more or shoot the second arrow as a psychologist of mine once taught me.

Part of the positive change was deciding to be open about being neurodiverse and having ADHD. I decided not to try and conceal or hide any behaviours that arise from having it, and that lifted an immense burden from my shoulders. I don't have to pretend to be better than I am, and am much more relaxed and at peace with myself for doing so. Furthermore, I've not noticed any change in the way people behave towards me or think about me since doing so.

I realise there is still a lot of stigma around having ADHD, and that especially at work there is a lot of pressure to conform and hide perceived 'weaknesses'. It varies a lot from workplace to workplace and person to person. I am very lucky that my employer is forward thinking and very accepting of neurodiversity, so I am able to be open at work. This is a huge relief of stress for me, and I want it to be so for others.

At my employer, I am working to provide safe discussion circles for neurodiverse people to join and feel supported, in the hope that they too can be more open about their situation and feel less stress about it. It is possible that at the start they may not feel able to be open to everyone about their situation, but I hope it is a stepping stone, and that being open to at least some people can relieve feelings of stress and negativity towards themselves.

Talking about having ADHD is an important and positive step, whether it's with a trusted group or openly to everyone. It is part of this website's mission to start that conversation, so if you feel inspired, perhaps this is something you can think of introducing at your workplace or social group too.