Acceptance and moving on

One of the most powerful things that has helped me with my ADHD and managing it is acceptance. I had many years of frustrations and interfering symptoms before I was finally diagnosed at 38, but since that point, things have improved for me because of a few key things.

1. Understanding what caused my issues: having a diagnosis allowed me to understand why I behaved in certain way throughout my life, to put things in context and to see that I wasn't defective or broken, but wired differently. This ranged from messy handwriting, to emotional processing extremes and my chronic sense of never having succeeded as well as I should have done. Having a reason for these behaviours led me to accept they happened and brought me peace and understanding, removing a stressor from my life.
2. Accepting I will always have ADHD: Having a diagnosis meant I had to accept that I would always be affected by it to some extent. After the usual stages of processing the fact (a bit of anger, denial and all that and a post-diagnosis dip), I came to accept the fact and be at peace with it. I realised that complaining or struggling against it would do no good at all, in fact just the opposite. I didn't want to be a person who whines about their misfortunes and problems, but someone who just gets on in spite of them: a productive, useful member of society to the best of my abilities. I decided to love my fate, accept it and live with it, making the necessary accommodations and changes in your life where I could, and that made me a less stressed, more content person. It wasn't always easy, as some behaviours took a while to overcome and reframe - like understanding that working myself too hard in my job was not productive, but made my symptoms worse - but I took it step by step and am getting there still.
3. Talking and being open: I've written before about being your authentic self, but need to restate how important this was to me. For years I felt I had to wear a mask and be someone that others and society expected me to be. This led me to do things that were not good for my ADHD and mental wellbeing. For example, when offered, I felt compelled to take a mathematically based job to prove to others and myself that I could do maths, despite my past with the subject. This led to stress, anxiety and depression, because it required me to be super-focused and not miss details - something that ADHD makes much, much harder to achieve. Being my true self, accepting that is who I am and talking about it with friends and other people with ADHD has been really important in reducing stress and anxiety, and also in making better life choices.

All these have allowed me to move on with my life and make the most of it, and helps me not to dwell on the downsides and struggles. It can still be challenging some days, but I keep bringing myself back to these ideas to help re-centre, as I am determined to make the best of life with who I have accepted I am.

Have you had similar experiences and found these or other things useful? Let us know in the comments below, and start the conversation!